I’ve decided to launch another “series of posts” besides the “A Project called:” ones. The reason is simply that I have a whole lot of general thoughts and ideas to write on. However, they don’t quite fit in my project based concept but I feel that they’re worth sharing and are supporting the overall “direction” I want to go in with this site. These pieces will run under the name of “Everyday thoughts:” and this one is the pilot. Enjoy.
I like analyzing things. My own personality and behaviour, for example, are very often in the focal point of these sessions. It’s probably because of my enormous curiosity. I constantly try to understand why and how I’ve become the guy I’m today.
Obviously, the way my parents raised me had a great impact on that. I quite often discover sentences that I would hear a zillion times and stuck with me for decades and influenced how I think today. And I need to tell you that I’m amused again and again about the power of words.
Of course, if you think about it more carefully, it’s not surprising that as a kid you give credit to what you hear from your parents. That’s a very natural way of learning. However, it might not be obvious at first glance, how these usually well-intended instructions or question can engrave in your mind and how they bias your perception of reality even a few decades later. These sentences and their consequences are the topic of the following lines.
I’ve no doubt that the top influencer among them were the ‘What will …. think if (s)he hears/sees you….? Fill in the gaps. Examples: the guy – crying; the woman – running; the neighbour – speaking loud. I could give you examples with no end but I think you get the idea. In fact, you might remember similar situations from your own childhood.
And I need to tell you that it has engraved itself in my brain. It has become one of my most basic thinking patterns. I always ask this question from myself before I do anything as well as when I’m doing it. It has become second nature. I believe I don’t need to explain how difficult life can be sometimes if you think like this.
Another parental statement, which effects I’m feeling nowadays more than ever before, is the ‘Study my son, in order to have a good job.’. I don’t question the good intention behind it. Not even for a minute. But recently, I’ve been thinking a lot whether or not it was a good decision to become an engineer. It’s not that I don’t like the “core” of it, because I do. But given that I’m not really able to sit more than 30 minutes, it might not have been the best idea to choose a profession where I need to spend most of my time in an office. A sporting career might have been a better choice, and given the fact that I used to be a competitive gymnast as a kid, I could have chosen that.
I’ve written all this because I believe that if I understand the origin of my problems more deeply, I’m able to find a much better solution to tackle them than I would otherwise. Notice, that there’s a big difference between this approach and between dwelling on the past. I know this whole post may look like as the latter. But it’s not that. Even though, dwelling on the past was something I used to do a lot. I used to be the Queen of my own in-head-written drama. Then, at one point I was able to realize somehow, how much damage I was doing to myself with this way of thinking, I was able to quit it. It took a few months of concentrated and dedicated work, but it was well worth the time and energy invested in it.
Before I finish this piece, I’d also like to clarify that I didn’t write all these to hurt or judge my parents in any way. Actually, I’m very thankful for them for everything they’ve done for me. I know that I’ve always been the number one person in their lives and they’ve never failed to put my interests before their owns, for which I can’t be grateful enough for the rest of my life.
Taking a look back on my lines, it seems once again very hard to believe that a few simple sentences, repeated with adequate frequency, could have such a big impact on my life. But that’s exactly the case. However, I strongly believe that this realization is also very useful and I learnt a lot on the way exploring it.
Well, that’s for today, however, I intend to continue this post since I have another pack of ‘those sentences’ but I think if I were to write them now, this piece would become too much to read in one go. If you’ve come this far, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Check back later to see the next one and, in the meantime, feel free to place your comment. Thank you. Cheers.